The other half of the story

There is, of course, another player involved in this conception game - Chris. This fact did not elude us, it has just taken a little longer than we anticipated to get his sperm results back. Much longer, actually. As it happens, the lab somehow lost Chris's first results and therefore required a second "donation". So, after another visit to a cold, impersonal (and to his chagrin, not unfamiliar) doctor's office, his final results were nothing if not illuminating, adding yet another complexity to our fertility endeavour. Although Chris's doctor told him everything was normal, our naturopath had a different interpretation of the results. She was most interested in his morphology, or the shape of the sperm.

If a sperm is abnormally shaped, it can't fertilize the egg. Many labs use what's known as the Krugar technique, or "strict criteria", which dictates that if any sperm isn't perfect, it isn't counted. A normal sample using the Krugar criteria should have 14% normal forms, which means 86% of the sperm from that sample are considered abnormal. By this measure, it's a miracle anyone gets pregnant.

So it comes as no surprise that there is an ongoing debate about how sperm should be evaluated and measured, not least of all because of the (human) subjectiveness of those investigating sperm samples. The World Health Organization's criteria is 30% normal sperm per sample, more than double Krugar's "strict criteria". But even those aren't set numbers, with analysis varying from lab to lab. Indeed, the lab that tested Chris considers 15% to be the normal morphology. Based on this reference, Chris's sperm morphology is above-average at 17% - which still means that 83% of his sperm are considered abnormal and therefore unable to fertilize my eggs.

Add to this hodgepodge questions as to what causes sperm morphology, and it gets even more complicated. Some say it's environmental toxins that have progressively lowered men's normal sperm count, while others believe the steady reduction of sperm morphology over the years is due to the criteria itself - labs are getting stricter and stricter as they look harder and harder for "flaws", ultimately eliminating every sperm that doesn't look perfect. Now, many men's results show 2% to 6% morphology.

So, after all these numbers and percentages, what's to be done? Well, a couple of things. First, I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing. Second, Chris is going to follow our naturopath's recommendation of putting him on a detoxifying diet to help eliminate any environmental toxins that may (or may not) be affecting his morphology. We'll know exactly what that entails in two week's time after Chris's scheduled appointment, but I'm envisioning a few months without dairy for my lovely husband. Then, after the detox, Chris will re-visit the all-too-familiar sperm doctor's office and see if he can beat the lab at its own game...

Climbing the hill of conception

A Doctor of Chinese Medicine friend of mine said that I should, among other things, hold as many babies as possible while I'm trying to conceive. I'm sure there are studies showing the correlation here, I just haven't found them. However, he said his wife is convinced she got pregnant because she held a friend's baby daily. I believe the theory is that, when holding a baby, your fertility hormones are stimulated. I like this idea. It's nice and nurturing and makes good sense to me, even if I can't find any evidence to support it.

So today, on my regular walk with a dear friend, I embraced my desire to have a baby by, well, embracing a baby - her 10-month-old son, to be precise. I've never actually worn a sling before but we strapped me up and slung him in. And then we walked. Up a really big hill. As he giggled and cooed, I huffed and puffed. And nearly collapsed at the top. Truth be told, it was a small price to pay. As another dear friend of mine so eloquently put it, "I'd spin on my head and spit nickles if I thought it was going to help me get pregnant." That will be on the next walk...

Desperate market or well-informed women?

When is enough, enough? I ask myself this as I drive home from my appointment with my massage therapist. She's just performed CranioSacral Therapy on my uterus. It's non-invasive, pleasant even. And who knows? It might even help. It's what's tucked into my wallet that I'm pondering - a business card she gave me for a chiropractor that specializes in a procedure called NUCCA (named for the National Upper Cervical Chiropractic Association).

My massage therapist is the first to acknowledge that it sounds crazy, but that chiropractic treatments may help address fertility issues. So I think: Why not? Which brings me back to my initial question: When is enough, enough? When I'm pregnant? When I've run out of money for treatments? When I've exhausted every potential fertility-enhancement option under the sun?

What this underscores for me is the perfectly captive and desperate market many fertility-challenged women are. I'm one of them. A logical, well-educated, well-read woman. Have I lost all reason or am I simply being open-minded, willing to consider any non-invasive, safe treatment that may lead me down the pregnancy path?

These questions come fast on the heels of yet another potential route to explore: Hypno-Fertility (God, is there any way I can write this without sounding like a total flake?). I mean, come on! But it actually sounds really good: "Guided visualization whilst in a relaxed state." Nothing wrong with that. At the very least, it's yet another option to contemplate. But before I do, I've taken the NUCCA business card out of my wallet and placed it on my desk. A logical first step...

Every breath I take

I attended a yoga class last night in my ongoing attempt to relax. Everyone knows that stress is the wrong thing to have in your life when you're trying to get pregnant. Research even shows how severe stress in utero can have a negative effect on babies. So I've scheduled relaxation into my life, which means at least once-weekly yoga classes, as well as (what's supposed to be) once-daily meditations.

Oh yes, meditation. Yoga Nidra (a 35-minute guided meditation on CD, during which I invariably fall asleep), Insight meditation (rain and whatnot), my own quiet, sit-and-observe-your-breath meditation practice with accompanying gong, even Gregorian chants to help me access the desired state.

I realize that none of this can hurt, but I can't help thinking of women with exponentially greater stress in their lives who easily manage to get pregnant. Nevertheless, in the pursuit of healthy pregnancy achievement, not just simply getting pregnancy, I will persevere - one breath at time.

To tell the truth, the full truth

I went to the "conventional" doctor today. I figured it was high time to get everything checked out internally, make sure there isn't something wonky preventing me from conceiving. And I lied. In great detail. About how Chris and I have been trying for a year to get pregnant. All I wanted was a referral to a gynecologist, but most doctors won't bother exploring fertility options until you've been trying a full year. So I lied.

After hearing my sob story, the doctor decided that any ol' gyno wouldn't do, she was going to send me straight to the regional fertility clinic for a full work-up - accompanied by all her lie-filled notes she so diligently took.

Now I wait for an appointment, one I'm surely stealing from a much more deserving woman who actually has been trying for a year. But, as bad as I feel, I'm not so honourable (or foolish) that I'm willing to give up this appointment. I will simply go in and ask for a basic internal exam and be on my way - with plenty of time left over for them to help the next hopeful candidate...

In the beginning...

Well here it is, my first post. I suppose now would be as good a time as ever to fill you in on what prompted me to wax lyrical about making babies.

Chris and I have been trying to get pregnant for eight months now - still within a perfectly acceptable, normal conception time frame. Unless you're a low-patience high achiever like me, then it's an eternity. I was absolutely certain it'd be a slam dunk the first month. Oh, how blissfully ignorant I was back then...

After four months of failed attempts, I took action - outside of the bedroom. I enlisted the help of a dynamic duo, a husband and wife team of Naturopathic Doctors whose practice focuses on fertility and healthy pregnancies and births. After my first appointment, I was sent home with a (graphic) handbook titled The Justisse Method for Fertility Management, charts to fill out and a medicine-cabinet full of herbs, vitamins, oils and powders that promised to do everything from cleanse my liver to boost my faltering adrenal glands.

As it turns out, there's something I like to call the Golden Triangle, a nice, helpful trifecta of glands and organs related to pregnancy achievement - healthy ovaries, a balanced thyroid, and robust adrenals. I was seriously lacking in the last two of the three. One month and one $300 "spit test" later, and it appeared I also suffered from slumping progesterone and a.m. cortisol (a.k.a. hydrocortisone, a steroid hormone produced by the adrenal cortex); never a good sign.

Herbs/oils/powders were altered, treatments continued, charts were analyzed, cervical fluid was examined, and bi-weekly acupuncture sessions were commenced. I'm still not pregnant, but my oh my have things changed. I no longer experience the down right unpleasant PMS I've suffered from my whole life and other indicators of success are positively shifting. I'm a believer.